My kids had animal crackers for dinner Monday night and mac n’ cheese for dinner last night, so there’s that. Bless my daughter’s sweet heart who still thinks mac n’ cheese is the best thing on earth even after eating it 3 nights out of the week since she was 3 years old.
Feeding my children is one form of mom guilt that strikes every day. Every day I give them a bagel with cream cheese for breakfast instead of a fruit bowl or peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for lunch is a day I feel like a bad mom. I should just be happy that their fed, right? RIGHT? Wrong.
The feeling of mom guilt grips you by your heart and punches you in your gut. It is the thief of joy in motherhood. It should be a spell that you can cast on someone when they’re being an asshole. You didn’t thank me for holding the door for you at Wawa, sir? Abracadabra: MOM GUILT. You didn’t acknowledge me when I came into your check out line, cashier man? Abracadabra: MOM GUILT.
Mom guilt was an emotion no one ever told me about, yet its one of the most prominent feelings we experience as mothers. You understand that after having a baby you’ll feel exhausted, overwhelmed, and maybe even sad or depressed, but guilt is not one that I expected. Maybe I had heard about it, but I’ve always associated guilt with bad eating habits like eating candy for dinner. That’s the kind of guilt I was used to experiencing.
Every. day. I feel guilty about something that involves my children. Every. day. I walk out of the door to head to work I wonder whether or not I should be spending the time with them at home. Actually, I know what I should be doing, but it’s a matter of what I have to do. That decision has become less of a choice for families now a days because life is hard, and bills pile up, and we need insurance, and the list goes on and on. My children have been in daycare since 6 months and 3 months old. Think of all the cuddles I missed, all the cries I wasn’t able to comfort for my sweet sweet babies who were at such a fragile and vulnerable age who just wanted their mama. I will never get that time back and this is probably one of the biggest issues I feel the most guilty about as a mom.
On top of the time I miss spending with them I feel like the time I do get to spend with them I’m not at my best because I. AM. TIRED. I come right from work to pick them up from daycare (which is like wrangling cows by the way because one runs in one direction and the other runs the opposite way), and most of the time I leave there sweating. There should be a mandatory siesta moms get to take between work and picking up their kids. An hour to decompress before leaving the chaos of one job and getting right into the next. By the time we get home, my head still pounding or full of the stress from my work day, I have to muster up what little energy I have left and show up as a good-ish mom for my kids. They deserve better then what I give them most days of the week. Insert > MOM GUILT.
Most days when we get home I turn on Puppy Pals and let them watch TV while I lay on the couch and have my come to Jesus moments. I think about all of the things I should be doing like teaching Lyla how to trace her letters or reading books with both kids on my lap. But, I can’t. Most days I just don’t have it in me. Insert > MOM GUILT.
I wonder if I’m teaching them enough or teaching them the right things. Am I raising them the way I always imagined I would raise my children? Are they watching too much TV? Do I care if it means I get to chill for 5 minutes or clean up from dinner? Almost every decision you make you wonder if it’s the right one.
You know what will really make a mom feel like crap? When couples you know who also have two kids have their kids in every extra curricular activity possible and their daughter has been in dance class since 8 months old and now that she’s 2 she’s going to premier in the Nutcracker on Broadway. Well, you know what my daughter is really good at? Coloring. Because that’s about all I have the time and energy for.
We will have days that we feel like we’re totally nailing it, and day we feel like we are totally failing. But, at the end of the day my kids go to bed in the comfort of their mothers arms and love me for all that I do for them, even if I don’t feel like it’s enough.
Whatever you do, just do the best you can.
dori says
I love this Kristi…….you are doing a great job. I know because your kids are amazing, happy, loving, funny, well adjusted kids. and in my book, that verifies the great job you are doing. I was a stay at home mom and still felt guilt. so, this blog relates to all moms – working or stay at home. keep up the good work – your blogs are so entertaining and relatable!!