I’m going to share with you what I got to learn the hard way about motherhood. The top 10 things that no one told me about but that I’m going to tell you. It’s about to get really real up in here. This isn’t going to be your average bed time story. If you can’t handle the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth I suggest you stop reading now.
- Vaginal tears. That’s a good opener, right? Insert an image of me with my arms out wide shouting, Welcome to Motherhood! That’s not tears as in crying, that’s tears as in rip. Although I’m sure if our vaginas could they certainly would cry during labor, too. Even though you don’t really feel when it happens because of everything else that’s going on down there, this is why you’re so incredibly sore afterwards. Try getting in and out of any seating position with a throbbing and sore who-ha. It’s not pretty, but you need to be prepared.
- The hormones. Holy hormones. After having a baby your internal temperature will fluctuate like the weather in Delaware. One moment you’re incredibly hot and the next you’re cuddled up under hospital blankets. I remember getting so hot one night after having my daughter that I ended up naked in the hospital bed. The next morning I woke up to her pediatrician walking in the room and I was passed out naked in the hospital bed like a drunk college girl. At that point though all modesty had gone out of the window.
- The check-ups. These are fun. The nurses come in to your hospital room every few hours to check your uterus by pressing down hard on your stomach to make sure it’s going back down to normal size. Ouch.
- The contractions after labor. What? That’s a thing? Yes. I’m not sure if this happens even if you’re not breastfeeding, but if you are and when the baby starts to feed you can feel minor contractions. Apparently breastfeeding helps your uterus contract back to normal size. Probably because it signals to your body, oh hell no! We’re not doing this again. Go back! Go back!
- Working out after baby. So, you’re finally cleared from the doctor to start working out again. Great, right? Maybe I was ready, but my bladder was not. This is what’s called pelvic floor dysfunction and one of the things that was most frustrating to me (besides lack of sleep, sore boobs, etc. etc.). I remember the first time I got out of the house to go for a run and my bladder was leaking as I was running. Not like full on pee your pants, but enough to make it uncomfortable. I had to stop. I remember going home and crying and thinking great…I’m cleared to work out but I can’t. Instead of doing high impact exercises I opted for PiYo instead (a beachbody program that ended up getting me in the best shape of my life. That in combination with breastfeeding did the trick).
- Losing weight after baby. Now, I know everyone is different when it comes to losing weight after baby and I hate the fact that we put so much pressure on ourselves to “snap back” so quickly. I was lucky enough to lose the weight pretty quickly after my first, but here I am 2 years post-partum with my son and I’m still trying to look like I did before. It’s funny because I look at pictures of me when I was just a few months post-partum with my daughter and I think, damn! I wish I had that body now! But, I’m sure when I did have that body I thought I was fat and out of shape. We can thank Instagram for this and all of those model girls that are taking selfies holding their 1 week old in the cutest outfits, hair and make-up done with the caption, “My life is complete.” Well, 1 week post-partum my life was a complete disaster. Anyway. I heard that breastfeeding helps you lose weight, but damn. With my daughter I got down to 110 lbs. I don’t think I’ve been 110 lbs. since I was a teenager. Now with my second things were totally different. I struggled to lose the baby weight. I carried the post-partum belly for much longer than I did with my first which I should have been okay with because that’s normal, but compared to what I experienced the first time around it was frustrating. I thought, I don’t understand. Why isn’t my body getting rid of the weight like the first time around? It’s 2 years later and I’m still wondering the same thing. But I also love cereal and pizza and don’t work out as frequently as I was so that may have something to do with it.
- Diastasis recti. This is when your abdomen wall doesn’t fully come back together after baby. I actually didn’t discover that this was likely the reason I wasn’t noticing a difference in my core’s definition from working out until a few months ago. It was either that or again my love for cereal and pizza but it’s easier to blame it on this because I don’t want to stop eating. Once I discovered I may have this issue I’ve stopped doing core work because it can make things worse and you have to avoid certain core exercises (planks, crunches, etc). I’m seeing a doctor about it this week in hopes that she can tell me how bad (or not) the issue is and what exercises I need to do in order to strengthen these muscles again.
- Sleep. I knew I wouldn’t get much sleep after having a baby, but what I didn’t expect is that at some point (or many points throughout their early years) your kids will protest their cribs/ beds and ultimately end up sleeping with you even after the baby stage. I had sleep trained both my daughter and my son, but at one point in time my daughter starting throwing a fit at bed time and didn’t want to sleep in her room alone anymore. So I brought her into bed with me and here we are a year later and now her and my son are sleeping with us every night. I at least have gotten them on a bed time routine so once we get into bed they fall asleep somewhat quickly (sometimes it takes my daughter 30-40 minutes to settle down) and I can sneak out of the bed like a contortionist ninja and go downstairs to have some time to myself. I want to fight this so bad. I know this is probably not healthy sleeping habits, for any of us, and that she may be 14 years old before she decides to sleep in her bed but these years are flying by. One day instead of worrying about her sleeping in my bed I’ll be worried about whether she made it home that night to her bed. So, for now, I’m giving them the peace of mind and comfort of sleeping in a warm, safe bed with their mama.
- Toddler tantrums. Lawd Jesus bring me the holy water. I mean there have been tantrums that I would have sworn there’s no way anyone else’s children behaved that way. Full on exorcism tantrums where her body literally bent and twisted in ways I didn’t know she could with her head thrown back and veins popping out of her neck. I would think, what is wrong with her? What is wrong with my daughter?! Did I do something wrong as a mother? Should I talk to a doctor about this? What if there really is something wrong with her? Well, at the moment the only thing that was wrong to her is that I opened the wrapper of something that she wanted to open herself. Kids are hilarious in this way. Could you imagine being at dinner with friends or co-workers and the waitress comes and pours you water in a glass and you start LOSING. YOUR. SHIT. THAT’S NOT THE CUP I WANTED! NOOOOO! I WANTED THE TALL GLASS. GIVE ME THE TALL GLASS! And then you throw yourself on the floor and start kicking and screaming. Thank God we grow out of that, at least some of us.
- I’ll end this on a high note because I hope I didn’t scare too many people by reading this, but they’re things that are good to know. Loving your children. The love runs so deep for your babies it sometimes hurts your heart to think about. It may not come immediately like a lot of people share on social media after just having their baby, but it will come. Sometimes I just stare at them and think how lucky I am to call them mine. That I helped make these beautiful, funny, smart little human beings. They will grow up to become whoever I help shape them to be. That’s a huge responsibility and not one that I take lightly. My ultimate goal in life is just to raise good human beings.
What are some of the things you had to learn about motherhood the hard way?
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