We all need sleep, right? Yet for parents sleep is the first thing we lose (besides our minds) after having children. Our sleep journey has been a long, hard road filled with lots of tears (mostly from me). I am one who refuses to settle for what is and believes that there is a solution to every problem. For us, that meant hiring a sleep coach. But first, let me paint the picture of what bed time has been like for our family.
I Did it Once, I’ll Do it Again
I sleep coached Lyla when she was just 8 or 9 months old. By night 3 of sleep training I could put her in her crib, leave the room, and she would be asleep in under 15 minutes. We had a few hiccups along the way, especially after her baby brother was born in November 2017, but for the most part she had become an okay sleeper. Zane slept in our room as a baby because I breastfed, but once he was old enough we slowly transitioned him to his room.
The problem was that he was constantly waking in the middle of the night which meant my husband and I were back and forth between our room and his throughout the night. Eventually, our tired bodies and minds surrendered and instead of sticking it out and trying to get him back to sleep in his own room we started bringing him in our bed in the middle of the night. Once Lyla understood what was happening she started waking in the middle of the night and guess where she slept? In our bed.
It Was Time for a Change
Some might think that it’s great to have your children sleep with you because you get to keep them protected or cuddle with them. I would try to convince myself of the same thing so that I didn’t feel bad about what was happening. The truth is, bedtime was taking a serious toll on me both physically and mentally. Most nights, it would take up to an hour to an hour and a half to get my kids to sleep. DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TIME I’VE LOST FROM BEDTIME!? I knew that something had to be done.
We Hired Help
I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that we needed to hire help. Some women feel like a failure because getting your child to sleep should be something that a mother can do, right? Wrong. We can’t do it all, sister. Either I got help from a sleep coach or I got help at a mental institution, but something needed to be done about their sleeping patterns before I completely lost my mind. I started reaching out to local mom groups on FB for recommendations and hired Gretchen from Little Sheep Counters and she has been a God send!
I knew that given the proper tools and advice I would be able to be consistent and stick to my guns. First, I wanted to make sure that the approach I took with sleep coaching was developmentally appropriate for their ages which is why I needed help from a professional. Our first night was Sunday, February 10th, and I am happy (and reluctant) to report that we have seen such great progress in just two weeks! Our kids, although not perfect, are sleeping in their OWN beds and going to bed BEFORE 7 PM. DO YOU KNOW HOW HAPPY THIS MAKES ME?!
What You Need
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If you are desperate or don’t know where to start and have the means to do so I would HIGHLY recommend finding a professional that fits with your family. It is not cheap, but it has been worth every penny to have some sanity and sleep back into my life. If you are planning to hire help, or start sleep coaching on your own, I would highly recommend getting the following items in your children’s room before you start:
Bed Time Routine
I cannot stress this enough! You NEED a consistent bed time routine! For us it’s teeth brushing, pajamas, books, bed. Under the advice of our sleep coach, we have also moved bath time to mornings instead of at night since bath time (for us anyway) is anything but relaxing. The kids are always playing and splashing in the tub and the bright light from the bathroom does not make it a calming night time activity.
Black Out Curtains
Black out curtains are completely necessary if you want to set the appropriate environment for your child to sleep. The space needs to be dark so that the light does not distract them. Check out these black out curtains from Amazon. They come in various lengths and a ton of different colors.
Hatch Night Light
This night light is the coolest thing ever. It is a programmable night light that uses an app and let’s you choose from different colors and sounds and let’s you set them for 3 different programs: bed time, nap time, and wake time.
Here’s how it works. From the app, you set your child’s bedtime and let your child choose (if they’re old enough to understand) what color and sound they want on. For Lyla, her bed time is set from 6 PM to 6 AM. She’s picked a different color for wake time which is set between 6 AM-7 AM. This means that if she wakes earlier than 6 AM and her light is not the color for wake time, she knows she has to stay in her room and play or lay quietly until that color comes on which gives her the green light to come out of her room. This actually works! There are mornings that she comes downstairs or comes into our room and tells me, “mommy the light was blue so I came out!”
The best part about using this app and this night light is that it gives your child a chance to be involved in their bed time routine. I let Lyla pick the color and sound she wants to fall asleep to, and what color and sound she wants to wake up to. For more details, check it out here.
Plain Crib Sheets
I know we all love an adorable crib sheet to match our baby’s room, but what I learned is that crib sheets can be distracting when children are falling asleep. It’s best to have a plain sheet in the bed or the crib if you are trying to sleep coach your child. I swapped out our crib sheets for these plain, soft and neutral color crib sheets from Amazon.
What to Know
Before you begin sleep coaching you need to understand and accept the fact that you are going to have to put in the work and that progress will not be over night. I know we are so used to getting things instantly thanks to technology and the internet, but unfortunately you cannot Amazon Prime sleep coaching and have your baby sleeping through the night in two days. You’re going to need patience, and you’re going to need consistency.
What has been a huge help with my 2.5 year old son is getting him involved in the bed time routine. When we first started he would throw a FIT when I would close his curtains and turn out his light. Now, he runs into his room and starts doing those things on his own because it’s become part of his routine and he’s involved in the process. My daughter is old enough to understand rewards, so for her we have a bed time chart she gets to put a sticker on when she sleeps through the night and stays in her room in the morning. Get them involved in any way possible so that they feel like they have some control in this situation.
There is Hope
Mamas, I know how hard not getting sleep can be on you both physically and mentally. I have had some really trying times when it comes to bed time and my kids not sleeping through the night. I was reaching a breaking point. But, I reminded myself that there is a solution to every problem, and instead of crying or complaining about it I was going to put in the work to fix it. So, I’m here to tell you that if you are in a state of desperation and you feel like there is no hope to get your difficult sleeper to sleep, there is! My 2.5 year old needed to be cuddled, in my bed, with a bottle of warm milk in order to fall asleep. The conditions needed to be perfect in order for him to fall asleep and that wouldn’t be until 9 PM sometimes. Now, he goes into his own crib without fuss, without milk, and falls asleep from 6:30-6 AM. THERE IS HOPE, SISTER!
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In case no one has told you today, you are a badass mama and you are capable of doing hard things. You got this.
Like what you’ve read? Check out my Dear Tired Mama blog post here.
Dori Kennedy says
Kristi – you have definitely missed your calling. Your blogs are amazing, funny, insightful, informative and so well written. Wish i had something like this when i was raising you and your brothers because often times i felt like i was all alone! keep up the good work 🙂
Chezney says
This info should be very usefu to parents.
Its a problem all have im sure. Even you had to have mom sleep with you until u fell aslee.
If the kids dont sleep it makes your day longer snd no adult fun at night !
Yup!
This post says
Thanks for the terrific manual